No One Wants to Fight with Their Partner – Tips to Have Calmer, Fairer Fights in Your Relationship

No matter how much we love our partners, conflicts are bound to happen, and sometimes, they can escalate into full-blown fights. Fights can be exhausting, and often, we come out of them feeling drained, angry, and hurt, with our relationship in shambles. However, fighting doesn’t have to be a destructive experience. With the right approach, we can have calmer, fairer fights that can actually bring us closer to our partners. In this article, we’ll list down 12 tips that can help you have better fights with your partner.

1. Avoid generalizations and be specific

When we’re angry or upset, we tend to speak in general terms, such as “you always do this,” or “you never say that.” But these generalizations can be counterproductive, as they put our partners on the defense, making it difficult for us to have productive conversations. Instead, try to be more specific and refer to particular instances when your partner has done something that has upset you. This way, your partner is more likely to listen to you and understand where you’re coming from.

2. Set out to become closer, not to win

It’s easy to get caught up in the desire to win an argument, especially if we feel we have a point to prove. However, this mindset can be damaging to our relationship. Instead, try to approach your conflicts as opportunities to better understand your partner’s perspective. By listening intently to their side of things, you may find that you become closer as a couple, with a deeper appreciation for each other.

3. Negotiate and compromise

Sometimes, finding a solution that works for both partners may require some negotiation and compromise. Instead of trying to win, try to come up with a compromise that makes both of you happy. This way, both of you get what you want, and you both move forward together.

4. Establish a plan to move forward

Once you’ve agreed on a compromise, make sure to establish a plan to implement it. Having a plan in place ensures that both partners are aware of what is expected of them, and it can help prevent similar conflicts from arising in the future.

5. Consider taking time to cool off

In some cases, a fight may become too heated, and both partners may need some time to cool off. This can be especially true if the fight goes on for an extended period. Taking a break can be beneficial, as it allows both partners to calm down and consider their positions more rationally. However, it’s essential to establish boundaries around how long the break will be, to ensure that it doesn’t go on indefinitely.

6. Use humor to tone down an argument

Humor can be a powerful tool in diffusing a tense situation. When a fight gets too heated, inject some humor into the conversation to help lighten the mood. Laughing can make both partners more relaxed and may lead to a quicker resolution.

7. Look at and touch your partner

When a fight is at its peak, it’s easy to forget that the person opposite you is someone you love deeply. Take a moment to look into your partner’s eyes and remind yourself of the bond that you share. Similarly, physical touch, such as holding hands, can be calming and soothing and can help both partners feel more connected.

8. Respect your partner’s tears

Fights can be emotional experiences, and sometimes, they may bring tears. It’s essential to respect your partner’s tears and avoid invalidating them. Instead, try to be there for your partner, providing them with comfort and reassurance.

9. Don’t multitask – be attentive

In today’s world, it’s tempting to multitask, even during a fight. However, this can be seen as disrespectful to your partner. Instead, give your partner your undivided attention, just as you would when listening to a friend or coworker. This shows that you value your partner and are committed to resolving the conflict.

10. Forget the past

Bringing up past conflicts can derail a current argument, making it difficult to find a resolution. Instead, focus on the immediate issue and try not to rehash old wounds. This may require some self-discipline, but it can be a crucial step in moving forward.

11. Stay put

Walking away from a fight may seem like a way to diffuse the situation, but it can also be seen as an aggressive act. Instead, try to remain in the same space as your partner and work through the issue together. If you need to take a break, communicate this clearly and establish when you will come back to the conversation.

12. Don’t let it ruin the relationship

Sometimes, even after following these tips, it may not be possible to reach a resolution. If this is the case, it’s essential not to let the fight ruin the relationship. It’s okay to agree to disagree, and it’s okay to let some issues go. Remember that your relationship is valuable, and it’s worth fighting for.

Final thoughts

Fighting with our partners is almost inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be a negative experience. By following these tips, you can have calmer, fairer fights that can bring you closer to your partner. Remember, communication is key in any healthy relationship, and conflicts are just another part of that communication process.