Building Resilience: Overcoming the “Three Ps” of Adversity

Failures at work, breakups, the loss of a loved one, or harsh criticism can be demoralizing and slow us down on the path to personal growth. However, there is another way to recover from these setbacks that can help us bounce back quickly and build stronger resilience.

As humans, we often deal with grief and trauma in one of two ways: we either grieve for a short period of time and then pick ourselves up and move on, or we get stuck in the grieving period and struggle to recover. To find better ways of recovery, we need to look closely at the causes of lessened resilience and learn to bounce back not only up but also forward.

Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s COO, is one person who has championed this idea. After losing her husband, she struggled to cope with the grief and take care of her children. However, with the help of her friend and a psychologist, she overcame her loss and re-built her life. She documented her journey in her book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy.

Sandberg discovered that the “three Ps” – Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence – often stand in the way of recovery from loss or failure. These can be best explained by looking at how we respond to a typical life-shattering experience like a breakup.

Personalization is the first P, and it involves blaming ourselves for the failure of the relationship. Instead of indulging in self-blame, we must hold ourselves accountable and avoid blaming ourselves for everything that went wrong. With a more balanced perspective, we can move away from seeing ourselves as vulnerable and begin to take proactive steps towards healing.

Pervasiveness is the second P, and it is when a feeling of failure suddenly overwhelms all aspects of our life. However, it is crucial to realize that a failed relationship does not necessarily mean that our entire life is a failure. To counter this thought, one must develop a more positive outlook by finding things to appreciate, even the smallest things. For instance, after a breakup, one can focus on their friends and appreciate their support and honesty.

Permanence is the third P, and it involves the belief that we can never be entirely healed, and we’re doomed to a life of sadness. Although it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel during such troubling times, we need to remember that we have managed to recover in similar situations before. Having a perspective in tough times doesn’t always come naturally, but once we start practicing these and similar principles, we will be able to recover much faster each time.

While our minds and beliefs may naturally create the “three Ps,” the key to avoiding them lies in experiencing each of them in turn and finding a counter-thought to make us see another perspective that leads to building resilience.

In conclusion, setbacks and stressful periods can slow us down and become obstacles to personal growth, but with resilience-building strategies, we can speed up our recovery and thrive after adversity. By overcoming the “three Ps,” we can develop more balance, hold ourselves accountable, appreciate the positive aspects of our lives, and develop a more positive outlook to regain our momentum.