Playing the victim is a common behavior that many of us engage in at some point in our lives. Whether it be blaming a sibling for breaking a family heirloom or pointing the finger at a coworker for messing up at work, we have all played the victim card without even realizing it. Unfortunately, constantly playing the victim rarely gets anyone what they want, and those who believe they are victims often push away friends, family, and coworkers. In this article, we will explore 14 signs that someone is playing the victim card and what they can do instead.

1. They Don’t Take Responsibility

One clear sign that someone is playing the victim card is when they refuse to take responsibility for the circumstances they are in. Rather than owning up to their role in perpetuating a problem, they point fingers and make others feel guilty. To remedy this, it is important to recognize that every situation presents an opportunity for growth. While we may not be fully responsible for what has occurred, we should always ask ourselves if we contributed in some way. Accepting responsibility is an important step towards being more mature, cooperative, and accountable.

2. They Are Frozen in Their Life

Victims believe that they are helpless and at the mercy of everything around them. As a result, they often do not make progress in their lives and become stagnant. They may have a laundry list of reasons why they are stuck, but the real issue is that they often do not know what steps to take next. The victim needs to realize that small changes in their attitude and behavior can lead to big rewards. It is important to help them make a list of achievable steps they can take towards their goals and hold them accountable for taking action.

3. They Hold Grudges

Victims often hold onto old grievances and use them as weapons to make others feel bad about their actions. While it is important to acknowledge and process past hurts, continually bringing them up hinders personal growth and keeps the victim in a state of powerlessness. Instead of holding grudges, it is important to recognize that forgiving others actually gives us back power and control over our lives.

4. They Have Trouble Being Assertive

Because victims often feel powerless, they struggle to assert themselves and state their needs, desires, or boundaries. This can lead to patterns of submissiveness and passivity that are detrimental to self-esteem and personal development. Seeking help from a professional can be a good step towards learning how to be more assertive. In the end, asserting oneself is about taking control of one’s life and creating opportunities for growth and change.

5. They Feel Powerless

Some victims may not outwardly show that they feel powerless, but instead try to manipulate others to get what they need. They may be suspicious of others and constantly need to know the latest gossip. It is important not to play into their manipulative games but instead offer support without feeding into their feeling of powerlessness.

6. They Don’t Trust Others

Victims often do not trust others because they do not believe that they themselves are trustworthy. It is important for the victim to examine the evidence and recognize that there are trustworthy people in the world. They must revise their old assumptions about people and learn to trust again.

7. They Don’t Know When Enough Is Enough

Victims often have no sense of limits and struggle to create boundaries for themselves and others. It is important for victims to decide what their boundaries are and stick to them. As a friend or loved one, one must also decide how much they are willing to put up with before bowing out.

8. They Argue a Lot

Victims often have trouble choosing their battles and may feel under attack all the time. It is important for the victim to recognize that not everything is about them and that a difference of opinion or criticism is not an attack. They must learn to decide what battles are worth fighting and which ones are not.

9. They Feel Self-Pity

Victims often pity themselves and see themselves as defenseless children who cannot fend for themselves. It is important for the victim to recognize that everyone experiences tough days and bad events. They must learn to avoid thinking that they are the only one in the world experiencing sad, difficult, or unfair circumstances.

10. They Constantly Compare Themselves to Others

Victims often struggle with comparing themselves to others negatively. They must recognize that everyone has good qualities and likely has experienced privileges in their lives as well.

11. They See Life as Always Lacking

Even when something good happens, victims often seek out what is lacking or missing. It is important for the victim to treasure each good thing in their life and develop a new habit of being positive and optimistic through gratitude.

12. They Are Critical

Victims often put others down and find fault in people to feel superior. They must recognize that this behavior is negative and only leads to more victimization.

13. They Blame Others

Instead of taking responsibility for their actions and choices, victims often blame others for their problems. They must learn to take ownership of their role in their circumstances and be accountable for their lives.

14. They Have a Negative Outlook

Victims often see the world as a dark and negative place. They must learn to focus on the positive and adopt a more optimistic outlook on life.

In conclusion, playing the victim rarely gets anyone what they want and can cause people to push away friends, family, and coworkers. By recognizing the signs of victim behavior and taking steps to change it, victims can take control of their lives and create opportunities for growth and change.