Dismissing Sadness Will End Up Making You Sadder – Why Happiness Alone Is Not the Answer

No one wants to be unhappy, that’s for sure. It’s a universal truth that applies to every person. Facing setbacks such as breakups, failures at school, disappointments in personal relationships or frustrations at work is not a pleasant experience. However, in the last five to ten years, discussions surrounding happiness have increased tremendously. People are more concerned about finding happiness, its importance, how to seek it, where to locate it and anything else related to it. The self-help industry is worth an estimated $11 billion in the United States alone, and Disney even called a modernization project “reinventing happiness.” It’s no wonder happiness is a subject matter for many TED Talks.

However, this approach towards happiness is problematic. Emily Esfahani Smith, a writer, has pointed out that we should focus less on happiness and more on finding meaning in our lives. Meaning is a combination of purpose and behaviors with intent. Therefore, meaning seeks to find our passion and ourselves instead of simply pursuing happiness. The interplay between sadness and happiness is one of the significant issues facing this discussion. In a world without sadness, happiness cannot exist either; it would be just a straight line of emotion. It becomes challenging to differentiate between the two. How can one identify happiness when they have never felt sadness?

Happiness and sadness are relative emotions. They work similarly to peaks and valleys. For instance, a mountain can only be classified as a peak because of the difference in height compared to the surrounding land. Without the surrounding land, the mountain would just be flat ground. Therefore, without sadness, happiness cannot be defined. Avoiding sadness can potentially diminish happiness in life. Life is about experiencing different aspects and locations. Avoiding sadness may mean avoiding new experiences. In this manner, when we avoid sadness, we tend to miss out on happiness and drown ourselves in things that may never happen.

A much better approach is to view life as a journey rather than a destination. Perfection and truly perfect happiness are essentially unattainable. Celebrating small achievements helps create your own system of instant gratification. Consequently, your brain feels happy and satisfied more often. Viewing life as a journey and understanding that ups and downs are part of the process helps one to see the bigger picture. The ups and downs indicate progress, not a short-term goal. It’s called ‘The Progress Principle.’

No one has a perfect life, and experiencing challenges and problems is a common occurrence for everyone. When people face negative experiences, they tend to focus on the present rather than think about what’s yet to come. So, keeping your sights on the extended curve is vital. It means acknowledging that a bad day happens only occasionally, and instead of focusing on the unpleasant moments at that time, you should flashback to when you felt happier. Such memories keep you going through the down times and motivate you to keep on keeping on.

To apply ‘The Progress Principle’ to your life, start tracking your emotions. This will increase your self-awareness. You can also write down your daily achievements or do a “3-1” model where you write three positive things and one constructively negative thing. By the end of a week, you’ll have 21 positives and seven things to work on, which helps you monitor your progress.

Finally, staying motivated during occasional down times can be challenging. However, reading motivational articles such as How to Stay Motivated Even Though You Can’t See Yourself Moving Forward can help. Dismissing sadness or avoiding it entirely gets you nowhere, even though it is an unpleasant emotion. As the saying goes, one must experience the lows to appreciate the highs. Therefore, do not focus entirely on happiness at the expense of acknowledging and appreciating the role of sadness in one’s life journey.