Relationships and marriage are hard. There’s no denying that. There are some obvious things that can break a relationship, such as having radically different values or long-term goals. Most people agree that physically cheating on your partner is one of the most significant betrayals. But cheating is only one of the many behaviors that are a betrayal of your relationship and your partner’s trust. Some other behaviors can be just as damaging, if not more so than physical cheating.

1. Putting your wants and needs above your partner’s

When you start to forget about the other person’s needs or put your own needs above your partner’s, you are setting yourself up for failure. Relationships are about partnerships and equality, but love is also about putting the other person first, recognizing their needs and concerns, and putting them ahead of your own. Neglecting your partner can lead to a gradual decline in your relationship. Your focus should be on your partner’s needs and how both of you can work together to meet each other’s wants and needs. Losing focus on your partner will spell disaster for your relationship, especially if your partner is still putting your needs above their own.

2. Taking your partner for granted

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it can be easy to stop thinking of that person as a separate individual and start treating them as part of the furniture. But that way of thinking can be dangerous. If you are not making an effort to be romantic or show appreciation, you could be taking your partner for granted. Feeling unappreciated can lead to resentment over time, and if you stop recognizing and appreciating your partner’s contributions to your life, you will eventually find yourself with a roommate, not a loving partner. This betrayal happens gradually as you stop recognizing your partner’s value in your life.

3. Emotional cheating

Emotional affairs can be just as damaging, if not more so than physical affairs. An emotional affair is essentially an affair of the heart, an intimate connection with another person outside of your relationship that includes deep emotional conversations and sharing details about your partner that they wouldn’t want shared. Emotional cheating drains energy from your primary relationship and can be incredibly difficult to end. Many people will “mourn” the loss of this very close friend, a person they have been receiving emotional support from. Emotional cheating can irreparably damage a relationship and all trust very quickly.

4. Not standing up for your partner

Relationships should be about teamwork. When someone attacks your partner, whether it be a friend, a colleague, or a family member, it’s your responsibility to stand up for your partner. No one should talk badly about your partner and get away with it. You and your partner should be a united front against the rest of the world. Allowing people to speak against or badly about your partner is a betrayal, and it will tear your relationship apart over time.

5. Lying to your partner – even about little things

Lying is never okay, even about the small things. Being caught in a lie will destroy your partner’s trust. If you’re hiding things from the person closest to you, why are you in that relationship in the first place? An ideal relationship is built on trust, openness, mutual respect, and personal freedom. Choosing to be honest with your partner every day is what keeps love real.

6. Using your partner’s vulnerability/insecurity against them

Manipulation is a subtle but dangerous form of emotional abuse that destroys relationships. Skilled manipulators are experts at rationalizing their behavior and their attempts to control you. One tactic of manipulators is to use your own insecurities against you, pointing out what you’re doing wrong or something you are sensitive about, and talk about how they could “help” you fix those issues. They try to control your behavior by pushing your buttons, making you doubt yourself, and ultimately controlling you.

7. Keeping secrets or information from your partner

Marriage and long-term relationships are about sharing your life with someone. If you’re keeping secrets from your partner or not sharing important information with them, then you’re cutting them out of your life, and that’s a betrayal of trust. It can be anything from hiding your past to not disclosing your current activities. The longer you keep that secret, the harder it will be to reveal it, and the more damage it can do to your relationship.

8. Letting yourself go

Physical attraction is an essential part of any relationship. When you stop caring about your appearance or health, you are betraying your partner. Taking care of yourself shows that you want to be attractive to your partner and continue to keep them interested in you. If you stop taking care of yourself, you are conveying the message that you don’t care about your appearance or your relationship. That attitude will reflect poorly on the longevity of your relationship.

In conclusion, relationships take work, and there will be times when you betray your partner, whether intentional or unintentional. Recognizing when you have fallen short is the first step toward repairing and strengthening the relationship. It requires communicating with your partner, being honest, empathetic, listening to each other, and investing time and effort in rebuilding the trust that has been damaged. Being aware of these eight common betrayals and avoiding them can help keep your relationship healthy and strong.