How to Control the Way You React (Part One): Finding the Lesson in Every Situation

Introduction

Every day, we are presented with different situations, circumstances, and events that elicit a reaction from us. Whether it’s a simple question or a major life-changing event, how we react to these stimuli influences how we move forward in our lives. In extreme cases, a momentary reaction can shape the next ten, twenty or even fifty years of our life, for better or for worse. Therefore, it’s important to learn how to control the way we react and manage our emotions to achieve positive outcomes.

The Common Sayings

You’ve probably heard sayings such as, “It’s not what happens that matters but how you react (to what happens) that matters,” “It’s not about the situation or the circumstance, it’s about you in it,” “Things only have the meaning we give them,” and “People only treat you the way you let them.” These sayings refer to our ability to manage and react to what happens in our world positively.

Being the Reactor

From the moment we get out of bed each day, we are constantly reacting to our dynamic environment. While most of our reactions are incidental and largely inconsequential, some will play a significant role in our future. These significant reactions can even occur unconsciously, without us being aware of their impact.

Finding the Bad

Some people have developed the habit of reacting negatively to situations. They tend to focus on finding the bad rather than finding the lesson or finding the good in every situation. People who react negatively don’t ask themselves what they can learn from a particular event. Instead, they ask questions like, “Why do these morons make my life a misery?” or “Why does this always happen to me?” This type of negative reaction can have significant consequences, affecting our lives in more ways than we can imagine.

A Hypothetical Example

Two people go through the same event, a minor traffic accident. One person emerges from their car, wielding an iron bar, frothing at the mouth, screaming obscenities, and threatening violence, while the other person calmly searches for a pen and paper to exchange insurance details. The person who reacted violently gets arrested for attempted assault and battery with a weapon, while the other person drives home with a small scratch on their car, kisses their family, and carries on with their happy life. One lesson from this hypothetical scenario is that we are the common denominator in most of our catastrophes. We create our problems, and we can also be the solution if we choose to react differently.

Calm in the Middle of Chaos

We may exist in a physical world, but most of our living takes place in our head. Therefore, it’s important to realize that we can have a great day, every day, despite the circumstances that may arise. With practice, we can learn to be the calm in the middle of chaos. We can only control our internal environment, so how we react, interpret situations, and the type of questions we ask ourselves play a big role in shaping our experience of reality. If we only allow our internal environment to be a reflection of our external environment, then our happiness will always be held to ransom by something beyond our control.

Daily Challenge

Every day, we are presented with different situations, circumstances, events, challenges, and conversations that elicit a reaction from us. Some of us may produce an emotional, volatile, irrational, spontaneous, or disastrous response, while others are more measured, calm, considerate and strategic. Emotions can drive us, but logic and intelligence should be steering us. The reason why we may react stupidly, even when we know better, is that our response is often controlled by our emotions, such as insecurity, anger, fear, resentment or jealousy. In the heat of the moment, we don’t think, consider, or plan; we just react.

Conclusion

Learning how to control the way we react to situations is essential to achieving positive outcomes in our lives. We must learn to manage our emotions and transform our negative reactions into constructive ones. The sooner we realize that we can have a great day, every day, despite what happens or doesn’t happen, the sooner we’ll move away from chaos and into calm. With practice, we can learn to be the calm in the middle of chaos and be in control of our internal environment. Stay tuned for part two, where we will address how to react differently to situations.