The Importance of Arguing in Relationships: A Sign of Strength, Not Failure

Relationships are not always a bed of roses. Two people with different personalities, experiences, and perspectives can inevitably clash and disagree. However, we often hear the narrative that arguing with your partner is a sign of incompatibility and impending relationship failure. But what if science says otherwise? Research suggests that arguments and disagreements are not only normal but essential for healthy relationships to last. In this article, we will explore why arguing can be a saving grace for relationships and how it can signify strength, not failure.

Love Isn’t An Easy Street

Love is often portrayed as romantic and wonderful. However, the reality is that cultivating and maintaining a loving relationship requires effort and work. Many studies have focused on why marriages fail, but few have tackled the question of what makes relationships thrive. Sadly, our perception of arguing in relationships is largely negative, leading us to believe that disagreements are a sign of failure and incompatibility. However, disagreeing on occasion is an indication of a healthy relationship.

How Arguing Helps Your Relationship To Last

Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Although we often imagine calmly discussing concerns with our partner, reality tells us that we can occasionally lose our cool and argue. Contrary to popular belief, couples who argue are actually communicating, which is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship. Arguing may not seem like the ideal way to communicate, but expressing opinions and viewpoints is better than keeping them bottled up and brewing tension.

Author Jonah Lehrer delves deeper into how fighting in a relationship can be beneficial rather than negative. He states, “According to the scientists, spouses who complain to each other the most, and complain about the least important things, end up having more lasting relationships. In contrast, couples with high negativity thresholds—they only complain about serious problems—are much more likely to get divorced.” Arguing about minor issues can therefore help relationships last longer than saving arguments for more critical problems.

How Not Fighting Indicates An Unhealthy Relationship

While arguing from the start of a relationship may not be ideal, it is after couples have settled into a partnership that dynamics change and true selves are revealed. Research reveals that if couples are not fighting after three years, it is often a sign that the emotional investment in the relationship has diminished. John Gottman, who founded the Gottman Institute dedicated to research-based methods for strengthening relationships, adds that lack of fighting at a certain point in the relationship signifies withdrawal. In essence, arguing and complaining are merely ways of showing that you care.

Of course, no one should remain unhappy in a relationship. However, emotionally intelligent arguing or bickering can indicate that couples are invested and willing to communicate. In effect, regular arguing can signify that the relationship is stronger than couples may think.

Conclusion

In conclusion, relationships require work and effort to maintain, and arguing is not necessarily a sign of failure or incompatibility. On the contrary, arguments and disagreements are normal aspects of a healthy relationship. Studies show that couples who argue about minor issues are more likely to build long-lasting relationships, while lack of arguing can signal withdrawal and lack of emotional investment. Arguing can be a sign of strength, possessiveness, and communication in relationships, and couples should not shy away from it.