The Importance of Self-Compassion: Treating Yourself with Kindness

Even the most highly evolved person can remain their own worst critic. As we strive to become more loving and accepting of others, we must first direct the love and acceptance toward ourselves. This is called self-compassion. According to Kristin Neff, a scientist whose research focuses on self-compassion, we need to begin by quieting our own inner critic. She identifies the three components of self-compassion as self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness is the desire to alleviate suffering. It means treating oneself with care and understanding. Common humanity is our ability to see our personal experience as part of a larger human experience. Mindfulness is the ability to stay present and avoid emotional extremes or suppression.

But, why isn’t this self-compassionate way of thinking more prevalent? In our busy lives, we often want to rush right into problem-solving mode before we have actually spent a moment feeling our feelings. Accepting them. And deciding why we feel that way and if it works for us. Some of the reasons people don’t afford themselves compassion and love include:

1. Confusing self-compassion with a pity party.
2. Difficulty interpreting the difference between constructive criticism and bullying.
3. Seeing self-care as over-indulgent.
4. Misinterpreting our compassion as excuses for our shortcomings.
5. Believing that the best way to motivate yourself to change is by being critical of who you are today.

The good thing is that once you cultivate an attitude of acceptance for yourself, you will find these benefits accompany it. For example, self-compassion offers the same advantages as high self-esteem, and people who love themselves have steadier emotions. When people who accept themselves are able to discuss their negatives, they are able to buffer the emotional blow by using “we” instead of “me” as they share common humanity. Other benefits of self-acceptance are compassion for yourself, freeing yourself from comparison to others, and increasing happiness.

If you are convinced that being loving, kind, and accepting of yourself is something to prioritize, here are 20 ways to start treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Pick a few to try each day.

20 Ways to Treat Yourself with Kindness:

1. Take a walk in nature.
2. Indulge in a treat like imported cheese, chocolate, or some salty fries.
3. Buy a new book on your to-read list.
4. Have a picnic lunch.
5. Skip a chore you really dislike.
6. Plant a flower and watch it grow.
7. Throw yourself a kitchen dance party while you cook.
8. Use the good dishes and make your table Martha Stewart worthy.
9. Wear your most comfortable clothing.
10. Clear your closet clutter and donate the things you don’t need to someone who needs them.
11. Give yourself a facial.
12. Smile at yourself in the mirror every day.
13. Listen to an inspiring podcast.
14. Start a gratitude journal- list three things you are thankful for every night before you go to bed.
15. Buy a better pillow- sleep well, and your day will feel more smooth and relaxed.
16. Have coffee with a friend you haven’t seen in a while.
17. Invite someone intriguing but outside your normal social circle to lunch or to dinner.
18. Plan a party.
19. Register for a retreat.
20. Pick one thing you have always wanted to do (like flying lessons or hot yoga) and do it!

Deciding to focus on habits that help you to flourish means knowing a bit about what boosts your happiness. For some, it’s time alone, while for others, it is a party. Becoming a student of who you are and what you like will help provide clarity as to how you can use simple hacks to increase your self-acceptance. When you love yourself, this energy causes you to become more attractive to others. Remember, you are the priority here. Don’t be a martyr. Put yourself first. As the saying goes “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.

In conclusion, self-compassion is an essential aspect of leading a fulfilling life. We must learn to quiet our own inner critic, treat ourselves with kindness, remember our common humanity, and practice mindfulness. By doing so, we can live a life of joy, fulfillment, and true love. With these 20 ways to treat yourself with kindness, start showing yourself the love and compassion you truly deserve.