My Parents’ Marriage: Building Lifelong Bonds among Siblings

Growing up with five siblings can be a daunting experience. There are conflicts, fights, and all sorts of drama that go on in a big family. However, in my family, we have managed to not only survive but thrive. Our parents have been married for over 40 years, and the bond among the six of us is stronger than ever. I believe this is because my parents did so much to help facilitate love, respect, and positive relationships among all six of us. As a result, we have great bonds and friendships even into adulthood.

Looking back, I realize that the relationship skills we developed began in childhood, and I credit my parents with setting the stage for healthy sibling relationships. Now, as a parent raising my own three children, I want them to have the same lasting bond with their siblings that I have with mine. As a psychologist, I believe that positive relationship skills are developed early in life, and I am committed to helping my children acquire them.

Here are my top 12 tips for facilitating loving relationships among siblings during childhood, so that they last a lifetime.

1. Teach your children the art of apologizing.

Teaching kids how to apologize is a crucial first step toward building strong sibling relationships. An effective apology involves not making excuses, accepting responsibility, and voicing a sincere apology. When children own their part of the conflict without excuses, they can apologize in a way that doesn’t attach anything to it. For example, instead of saying “I’m sorry I hit you, but you took my toys from my room,” they should simply say, “I’m sorry for hitting you.”

If there is a way the child can make the situation right, parents can help point those things out. For example, if a child broke one of their sibling’s toys, then the child that broke the toy can apologize and also offer to use their allowance to pay to replace the broken toy.

2. Teach your children the art of forgiveness.

Teaching your children how to forgive will help them live more emotionally and physically healthy lives. When someone chooses not to forgive, it can have negative emotional and physical effects. Forgiveness is an action that starts with the words “I forgive you.” While it’s okay to acknowledge that hard feelings may still be there, having a heart of forgiveness means giving empathy toward the offender and assuming that the offender is good and did not intend actual harm.

3. Have them help one another.

Encourage siblings to help one another with daily tasks. It sets the stage for them to help each other with bigger tasks later in life. When siblings take on the role of helpers to one another, their bonding as a team becomes stronger.

4. Have them say “I love you” daily.

Teaching kids to express affection is crucial. Encourage them to say “I love you” when appropriate, such as going off to school or going to bed at night. This will help them learn to express love for others as adults.

5. Teach physical affection.

Physical affection is also important. In our home, when an apology takes place, it is followed up with a hug. Physical affection such as hugs releases positive hormones called oxytocin, which is known to increase happiness.

6. Siblings need time together outside of their parents.

Encourage siblings to spend time together without parents hovering. Let them play together and grow together. If your schedule is too packed and the kids don’t have that time to spend together, it is at the detriment of their current and future relationship as siblings.

7. Don’t create a competitive environment.

Creating a competitive environment that pits siblings against one another can be detrimental to their relationship. Instead, teach them to support and encourage one another.

8. Teach communication skills.

Effective communication is essential in any relationship. Teach your children how to listen, express their thoughts clearly, and pay attention to non-verbal cues. Encourage them to express their feelings and emotions.

9. Teach them problem-solving skills.

Teach children to identify problems, brainstorm possible solutions, and evaluate the effectiveness of each solution. Help them to focus on finding the best solution for everyone.

10. Create shared memories.

Create opportunities for your children to make memories together that will last a lifetime. Take family trips, have family game night, and do activities together that everyone enjoys.

11. Don’t take sides.

When conflicts arise, it’s important not to take sides. Encourage both parties to listen and understand each other’s perspective. Help them to come up with a solution that works for both.

12. Lead by example.

As a parent, you are the most influential person in your child’s life. Lead by example and model the behavior you want to see in your children. Show them what a healthy relationship looks like by treating your partner, your friends, and your family members with love, respect, and kindness.

In conclusion, healthy sibling relationships are built on a foundation of love, respect, and positive communication. As parents, it’s our job to teach our children how to develop these skills, both verbally and through our own actions. By following these tips, parents can help facilitate loving relationships among siblings during childhood, so that these relationships will last a lifetime.