Depression is a really difficult condition to understand, and it can make it hard for us to offer meaningful support if we have a friend or relative who’s facing it. It’s important to understand that depression is not the same for everyone, so there’s no ‘one size fits all’ explanation. In order to help you better understand, we’ve explored some of the common themes and feelings experienced by people struggling with depression so that we can all be better friends to people who are depressed.

1. Sometimes, you feel nothing at all

People who are struggling with depression will often talk about a complete lack of emotion and feeling. They can experience apathy, disinterest, or a general lack of enthusiasm toward anything, which can be harmful to their loved ones. They might even forget what it feels like to feel, leaving them unable to know how to respond to things that happen each day.

2. Nothing feels real

Often, people who are struggling with depression will talk about their life as if they are living in a kind of dream state where everything feels somewhat meaningless and surreal. They feel disconnected from the world and the people around them. They describe feeling lost or adrift in their surroundings and feeling like they are watching their life from a distance.

3. You can feel like an observer in your own life

It’s common for people to talk about feeling absent from their own lives. Depression can make you feel like an outsider looking in rather than an active participant. Life can feel unmanageable and out of control. It can be difficult for the person experiencing it and for their loved ones as they may feel like there’s no way to help.

4. The future can feel inconceivable

Both the short and the long term future can feel hard to grasp for people with depression. Many people talk about being unable to imagine what the future holds or how their life might look in a few months or years. This creates a sense of hopelessness and despair, and they might feel as if they have no control over their future.

5. Just occasionally, you have happy moments when it’s all okay

People who struggle with depression sometimes have minutes, hours, or days when things feel real again, and they can see a glimpse of what it feels like not to be depressed. These moments are precious and provide a sense of hope and peace in an otherwise dark and confusing time.

6. But you feel guilty if you feel okay

Many people who struggle with depression feel guilty during their happy moments, doubting if they deserve it, and what they did to deserve it. They might feel like they are deceiving others or themselves and hesitate to show their good side.

7. And sometimes you put on a brave face and everyone thinks it’s okay

People with depression sometimes wear a mask to hide how they feel from others. They might act okay and functional when they’re around other people but struggle silently with their inner turmoil. They might even try to convince themselves that they’re okay and that everything is under control.

8. People want you to be fine, so they believe you if you try to fool them

It can be difficult for people to understand what it’s like to live with depression. Many people just want their loved ones to be happy and healthy and might ignore any signs that suggest otherwise. They might overlook their loved ones’ suffering and believe that everything is okay as long as they see a smile on their face.

9. It really helps when people reach out, but you don’t know how to thank them

When we’re struggling with depression, sometimes we need a friend who sees past the happy mask more than we need air. We appreciate their help immensely, but it’s hard to convey our gratitude for them. We might struggle to express our appreciation and acknowledgement of their importance in our lives.

10. It affects your friendships deeply–for better and worse

Depression is an illness that affects people both physically and mentally. It can be hard on their relationships too. Many people who suffer from depression will lose friends along the way, as it’s hard to be around someone who’s constantly dealing with emotional turbulence. However, sometimes it’s also a time when someone really special steps forward, and we develop a lifelong friendship with them.

In conclusion, realising that depression is a complicated condition that affects people differently is the first step to understanding and supporting our loved ones who are struggling with it. Listening to them, acknowledging their pain, and being patient with them can do wonders in assisting them. Supporting them through their ups and downs and staying by their side will make them feel loved and supported during the times they need it the most.