How to Control Your Emotions and Not Let Them Control You

Emotions play a significant role in our lives, and their impact on our interpretation of events cannot be overlooked. Emotional reasoning, where we assume something is true because of how we feel, can lead us to make irrational decisions. But emotions are not all bad; they help us feel alive and connected. However, it is essential to control our emotions and not let them control us. Here are seven ways to do that.

1. Think of your emotions as part of your “map” not as part of the “territory.”

Our thoughts lead us to feel emotions. Positive thoughts lead to positive emotions and vice versa. We must remind ourselves that our thoughts are our interpretation of an event and not a direct experience. We have different filters shaped by our upbringing and past life experiences, leading to emotional interpretations of reality. Reminding ourselves that our emotions may not be an accurate representation of what is going on can make it easier to be less emotional.

2. Stop and think before acting.

The emotional part of our brain is almost always stronger than the rational part. When feeling emotionally overwhelmed, it is wise to stop and wait for the rational brain to kick-in before taking any action. This will give you time to gather your thoughts and prevent you from saying or doing something you’ll regret.

3. Know where your weaknesses lie.

Being aware of specific people or situations that tend to get an emotional reaction from you is crucial. With this knowledge, you can be more prepared and aware of your emotional levels by rating the intensity of your emotions on a scale of 1-10. When you reach 7, use predetermined strategies to diffuse the emotional response. Counting backwards from 100, deep breathing, or temporally removing yourself from the situation are some strategies that you may want to employ. Understanding your personal triggers helps you anticipate and manage them better.

4. Own your emotions.

We often blame others for our emotional reactions, but we need to understand that we cannot control others. We can only control how we choose to respond to them. When we take responsibility for our actions, we give ourselves the power to manage our emotions more responsibly. By putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes and understanding that they have a different set of life experiences, beliefs, upbringing, and culture, we can respond more positively.

5. Learn to practice emotional detachment.

We are not our emotions. Thoughts lead to emotions, and it is helpful to see them as passengers on a bus. You are the bus driver and just as you put the key in the ignition, your passengers begin to tell you that you shouldn’t drive the bus, you may get lost or have an accident, and so on. If you let the passenger rile you, they are in control. Learn to see your thoughts as passengers on a bus – tune them out and focus on the job at hand – driving. In most situations, emotional detachment involves taking action without allowing all the thoughts in your head to distract and upset you. Just remember, your emotions are passengers on a bus that can’t interfere with your job.

6. Take time out.

We all have a resting state-of-tension, and if we do not check in with ourselves or take a break, we can end up feeling tense and uptight for more extended periods. When we start to snap at others or burst into tears because we’ve run out of milk, it’s a sign that our resting state of tension is higher than it should be. Taking a walk, getting a change of scenery, or doing something relaxing can reset the tension level in your body. Be aware of positive and negative energy in your life, limit negative energy, and try to balance it with positive energy.

7. Understand your emotions.

Understanding the reasons behind your strong and intense emotions will help you make sense of things and feel more in control. You may be triggered when a friend is late to a meeting because of past experiences that have nothing to do with your friend being caught in traffic. Pinpointing the reasons behind your emotions leads to a happier life.

Conclusion

Emotions are fundamental to our lives, but we need to make sure we do not let them control us. Understanding and managing our emotions better helps us make sound decisions, improve our communication and relationships with others, and lead a happier life. By thinking of our emotions as part of our map and not the territory, thinking before acting, knowing our weaknesses, owning our emotions, practicing emotional detachment, taking time out, and understanding our emotions, we can control our emotions and not let them control us.