Is This the One? How the Story of Your Relationship Predicts its Future

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The Power of the Story

Have you ever looked at your significant other and wondered, “Is this really the one?” or “Will this relationship actually last?” It’s a common question and there’s no sure-fire way to predict the outcome. It can drive you a little crazy at times. So, how do you figure it out? There’s a simple question you can ask yourself, and it may tell you what you need to know: “What is the story of our relationship?”

The Story of Us

When you think about your relationship, imagine yourself telling it as a story. Do you focus on the positive or negative parts of your time together?

According to John Mordechai Gottman, PhD, the author of Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love, “Our best prediction of the future of a relationship came from a couple’s ‘story of us.’ It’s an ever-changing final appraisal of the relationship and your partner’s character.” When you focus on the negative aspects of your relationship, you create resentment. Letting things get, and stay, under your skin is an indicator that the relationship isn’t going to last. More than 90% of the time, the people who focused on the bad parts ended up splitting up. If the first things that come to mind are events or everyday issues that annoy you, it could be time to reassess your relationship.

Focusing on the Positive

Thankfully, there are ways to change your thinking and focus on the positive.

Open Communication

• Talk to your partner about the things you’re still upset about. It could be something from a long time ago, but it can breed resentment. Getting them out into the open can help.

Let it Go

• Once you’ve talked things out and feel better about them, it’s easier to let them go. Focus on that process.

Think About the Positive

• What have been the best times in your relationship? What are the little things your partner does that are special? Those are the important things.

Practice Gratitude

• Be thankful for your partner and the positive qualities they possess. Remember, there’s a reason you’re with them and a reason you fell in love.

The Power of the Story

A negative retelling of your story can really predict whether or not your relationship will last. Take action and turn your thoughts to positive ones to create a better and more successful relationship.