Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it requires work, compassion, and compromise to be successful. Unfortunately, many people enter into marriage without fully knowing what they are getting themselves into. The reality of married life can be a shock, leading to self-blame and even divorce. To help prepare those who are either entering into or contemplating marriage, here are 10 honest secrets about marriage that everyone should know.

1. The first flush of love won’t always last
The spark that is present at the beginning of a relationship may not necessarily last, and it’s important to understand that it doesn’t mean the marriage has failed. Marriage is a journey, and love grows and changes over time. Real love takes effort and cultivation to allow it to flourish.

2. Love grows in different ways
Love can come in many forms, and people often believe they are either in love or they’re not. However, there are stages in-between, and we need to understand that love can grow in different ways. You don’t need to be infatuated with someone to be in love with them or have a successful marriage.

3. The attraction won’t always be there
Physical attraction can be important in our image-conscious society, and often if we don’t find someone attractive, we may doubt our relationship. However, attraction levels can change over time, and it doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t love them anymore.

4. You’ll need to show love even when you don’t want to
When our partner is perceived as being difficult or hurtful, it’s easy to stop showing love. However, for a marriage to survive long-term, we need to swallow our pride and still show acts of love even when we don’t want to. Small acts of pettiness can cause all sorts of resentments, so it’s important to remember that you and your partner are a team.

5. Married life is a journey
Marriage is challenging, and there will be tough times that trigger both negative and positive emotions. Done right, however, marriage can help you grow and flourish as a person. There may be times when you feel like giving up, but there’s much to be gained from persevering.

6. Just because a marriage needs work doesn’t mean it’s doomed
Not all marriages are the same, and comparing your marriage to others can only cause stress and disappointment. Just because other people’s marriages may look perfect from the outside doesn’t mean yours is any less or is failing.

7. Having children will cause stress on the marriage
Having children is a wonderful but difficult period in a marriage, and it will put a strain on even the best of marriages. It’s important to make an effort to nurture and find time for the marriage outside of having children to remind yourself why marriage was important to you in the first place.

8. Physical love needs to be about connection for it to last
Sex is a vital way to show love and appreciation to one another, but it should be about connection, not power, security, or validation. If connection is the core basis of your sex life, it’s less likely to wane.

9. Successful married life can’t survive without communication
True and honest communication is key to a successful marriage. Secrets and pent-up emotions can only cause destruction in the end. Learning how to put your feelings and emotions to your partner in a constructive and non-blaming way will not only unburden you and make you happier but will keep the marriage open and honest.

10. Never believe marriage will make you happy
Marriage can become problematic when we believe that it will complete us and make us happy. No one outside of us can make us happy; happiness must come from within. Make sure you are truly happy before entering into marriage, and release the pressure put on marriage to bring happiness to your life.

In conclusion, marriage is a beautiful journey that requires effort, compassion, and compromise. It’s important to understand that the first flush of love won’t always last, love grows in different ways, attraction levels can change over time, you’ll need to show love even when you don’t want to, married life is a journey, just because a marriage needs work doesn’t mean it’s doomed, having children will cause stress on the marriage, physical love needs to be about connection for it to last, successful married life can’t survive without communication, and never believe marriage will make you happy. Armed with these 10 honest secrets, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the challenges of married life and build a satisfying and fulfilling partnership.