Throughout my career as a psychologist, I have found myself stuck in a few toxic relationships. I would wake up in the middle of the night wondering how I had let things get so dangerous. It sounds like a story out of a textbook, but it’s true. Even as a trained professional, I found myself in situations that were difficult to break free from.

Why is it that we stay in toxic relationships, even when we know deep down that they are not good for us? It’s a question that many of us have asked ourselves, and the answer is not always crystal clear. When our partners are passive-aggressive and deceive and manipulate us, we can get blindsided. But even when our lovers blatantly mistreat us, we often stay in hopes that things will change. Trust me. They won’t.

I bravely fought my way out of my last toxic relationship years ago and know I’ll never be in another one again because I can now see the warning signs from miles away. If you’re in a toxic relationship, here are 16 deal breakers to help you find the courage to finally break free.

1. They push you around (literally).

These partners hit you, shove you, or hold your arm so tightly that it leaves a bruise. Once my six feet tall boyfriend leaned down and yelled two inches away from my face (I’m petite). It scared the hell out of me. I left the room before it could escalate and never came back. Give no second chances on physical abuse, even if your partner apologizes afterwards. Actions speak louder than words. If you put up with it, you’re telling him or her that it’s OK to treat you this way. It isn’t. Accept your losses and move on. Quickly.

2. They criticize and shame you.

They cut you down with no consideration for your feelings and make you feel inadequate. A man I was involved with relentlessly criticized my looks, my outfits, the songs I wrote, pretty much everything about me. After our break-up, I jotted down all his verbal attacks, and the list filled four single-spaced pages, two columns per page. Verbal abusers make you feel bad about yourself so that they’ll have power over you. Know your worth and get out.

3. They repeatedly cheat on you.

Slipping up once or twice may signal the need for the two of you to work through your issues with a therapist. Still, what we’re talking about here is frequent infidelity. According to Dr Phil, “The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.” I lived with a serial cheater for years. He never changed, he just got sneakier. You (and your children) deserve better.

4. They’re careless with those who depend on you.

If your partner belittles your children, kicks your dog, or continually “forgets” to give your sickly live-in mother her medication, it’s time to reconsider. Anyone who takes advantage of those who seem “weaker” than themselves is a bully. Don’t settle for this, even if he or she is nice to YOU.

5. They lie.

Relationships are built on trust. You can’t have a successful union if your partner regularly lies. Observe any deceit. Don’t overlook them. If they can lie to themselves and others, they can lie to you.

6. They guilt-trip you.

These partners use your desire to be a good person to manipulate you into doing their bidding. Life is too short to put up with guilt-manipulators.

7. You don’t like yourself when you’re with them.

Anyone who takes away your self-worth no longer deserves to be in your life. If they can’t make you feel good about yourself, they aren’t worth it.

8. They make you doubt yourself.

Toxic partners can make us second-guess ourselves and even feel crazy when they play dumb or feign ignorance. If you think you’re being gaslighted, heed the warning signs.

9. They force you to give up what you love.

If you’re with someone who makes you give up the things or people you love, it’s time to give them up.

10. They isolate you.

Being isolated from your loved ones makes you totally dependent on your partner, and that’s exactly what these emotional abusers want from you.

11. Your friends question the way you are treated.

Your friends and family know you best. Encourage them to tell you the truth.

12. You’re constantly walking on eggshells.

Trying hard to make the relationship work, but it’s not being reciprocated? It’s not worth it.

13. It’s all about them.

Relationships are a two-way street. It’s not all about the other person. You matter.

14. They’re never there for you.

Anyone who can’t feel empathy for you should not be in your life.

15. They’re overly controlling.

There’s a difference between supporting your partner and controlling them. Make sure they understand that.

16. They won’t change.

One of the most important things to remember is that a toxic partner will not change for you. They may apologize and try to make things right, but in the end, they will go back to their old ways.

Breaking free from a toxic relationship is never easy, but it is essential for your mental and physical health. It’s important to remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and kindness. Don’t settle for less.