Being the oldest child in a family can come with both advantages and disadvantages. I can speak from personal experience as I am the oldest of four on my dad’s side and the oldest of two on my mom’s side. I later married the oldest of three. Through these experiences, I have come to realize that birth order plays a significant role in shaping our personalities and how we interact with others.

As a mother of three sons, I often pondered if the order in which my children were born had any impact on their personalities. Each of my sons possesses unique traits and looks, but I couldn’t help but wonder if being the middle child held a certain allure for my second-born. Perhaps he relished not being the “guinea pig” like the oldest and not receiving the same attention as the youngest.

Reflecting on my own childhood, I must admit that I didn’t particularly enjoy being the oldest. I dreaded the phrase, “You should know better,” especially when it came back to bite me in moments of retaliation. I often found myself being the one who got caught, while my younger siblings seemed to slip under the radar. Even when I tried to establish my own space and keep my younger sisters out of my room, they always found a way in. The scribbles in my junior high yearbook serve as a reminder of their persistent intrusion. Playing tackle football with my brother in our front yard also led to a memorable scar on my knee when I slid into a metal sprinkler.

Now that I am older and still hold the title of the oldest sibling, I want to share a few benefits that come with being the oldest. The burdens I once resented have taken on a different perspective, revealing the silver lining in those moments I once deemed unfair. Here are a few advantages of being the oldest child in any family:

1. You set the precedence for every other child.
As the oldest, every rule and milestone happens to you first. You become the model for your younger siblings, influencing the path they will follow. You determine what age is appropriate for getting a television in your room, trying a musical instrument, going on a date, or even selecting the paint color for your own space. Your actions serve as a yardstick for your siblings, and depending on your experiences, your parents may be less inclined to allow your younger siblings to try new things as the years go by.

2. You never have hand-me-downs.
One of the luxuries of being the oldest is that you never have to wear clothes that have already been worn by your siblings. You get to experience the joy of wearing new clothes that haven’t appeared in any other family pictures. However, having two sons just 13 months apart meant that their clothes were practically interchangeable. The only guarantee the younger ones received new clothes was for family pictures with matching outfits. Although this backfired once, we learned not to mention the striped sweaters anymore. As the oldest, you are more likely to receive brand-new items with the tags still attached.

3. You never have to share a room.
As you grow older, you typically gain the privilege of having your own room under the guise of needing privacy. Your younger siblings may not understand the concept, but they undoubtedly desire their own space too. Having my own room growing up meant having a place in the house that was exclusively mine. I could do my homework, listen to my music, and enjoy my own personal space. The only challenge was keeping my sisters out, as they went to great lengths to join me even when I wanted to be alone. Ironically, we are now extremely close and good friends.

4. You are given more responsibility.
Being the oldest often comes with more responsibility, which can be both a burden and a blessing. As the oldest, you may become the default babysitter for your younger siblings. Though it can feel isolating at times, this also fosters independence and self-sufficiency. Since your parents don’t have any previous experiences to compare you to, they often allow you more freedom and independence. This sense of autonomy helps shape you into a responsible and independent adult.

5. You have more childhood pictures.
As a mother of three, I have noticed that I have taken more pictures of my oldest son than of my other two children. With only one child to focus on, parents can devote their time and attention solely to them. However, with more children, parents must divide their attention among them, often resulting in fewer pictures. As the oldest child, finding a childhood photo for the yearbook is much easier, giving you a visual representation of your childhood memories.

6. You are never pushed around.
As the oldest, you become the protector and defender of your younger siblings. When someone outside the family tries to harm them, you become their fighter. There is an unspoken rule that says, “I can pick on my sibling, but you can’t.” Whether you have only one sibling or a dozen, the oldest ones are entrusted with the responsibility to look out for and shield their younger siblings—no matter what.

7. You are a role model.
From a young age, you become the role model for your younger siblings. They watch your every move, looking up to you and aspiring to be like you. Though it may feel burdensome at times, you hold a significant influence over their lives. They observe and emulate your actions, even when you try to divert their attention or keep secrets. Being related to someone “cool” like you is something every younger sibling desires, and they may remember and utilize these lessons later in life.

8. You have your parents all to yourself.
Before younger siblings come along, the oldest child often experiences quality time with their parents. As the first-born, you enjoy the undivided attention of your young and energetic parents. Their focus revolves around managing work, home, and other obligations with ease. Your activities become the sole schedule for your parents, and their attendance at your events is highly likely. However, once a younger sibling arrives, the dynamic shifts, and attention is divided among multiple children.

In conclusion, being the oldest child in a family comes with its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Though I initially resented some aspects of being the oldest, I now appreciate the unique privileges it bestowed upon me. From setting precedents for my siblings to never having to share a room, being the oldest gave me a sense of responsibility, independence, and individuality. Embracing these benefits has allowed me to understand the significance of birth order and how it shapes our lives.