Meeting the parents can be a nerve-wracking experience for everyone involved. Whether you’re the one meeting the parents or introducing your partner to your own parents, first impressions matter. In fact, research shows that people can make accurate judgments about others in just a tenth of a second. So, how can you navigate this milestone in a way that ensures a smooth start to your relationship? Here are eight tips to keep in mind.

1. Remember that it’s about all of you.

When meeting your partner’s parents, it’s not just about impressing them, but also about learning more about your partner. Pay attention to their parents’ mannerisms, home, and how they treat each other. This will give you valuable insights into your partner’s background and upbringing. Take note of what you like and what troubles you. Be honest with yourself about your feelings at the end of the evening. The more clarity you have, the better you can evaluate your bond with your partner.

2. Maintain perspective.

Meeting the parents can be a big deal for some people, while others may not attach much importance to it. Talk to your partner and find out how significant this occasion is to them. It’s important to be on the same page about the level of commitment in your relationship and what meeting the parents means to both of you.

3. Realize how much you don’t know.

Whether you meet the parents in their home or in a public space, you’re bound to learn something new about your partner. Remember that their parents have a long history together and know each other in ways that you don’t. Avoid reacting to anything you hear during the meeting, as there may be contextual information that your partner will explain later. Also, keep in mind that you’re likely not the first person your partner has introduced to their parents, so don’t stress too much about making a perfect impression.

4. Be there for your partner.

During the first meeting, some families may resort to humor or share embarrassing stories. While it’s important to be yourself, remember to respect your partner’s privacy and the sanctity of your relationship. Don’t reveal personal information or tease your partner in front of their parents. This is just the beginning of your relationship with their family, so focus on building a positive rapport.

5. Cut the parents some slack.

Understand that your partner’s parents are likely to be nervous too. They may say something they regret or make a less-than-perfect impression. Be forgiving and avoid judging them too harshly. It takes time for everyone to get to know each other, so give them the benefit of the doubt.

6. Have a gift in hand and kind words on your lips.

Regardless of the occasion, always arrive with a small gift. Consider the mother’s preferences and present it directly to her. If you’re unsure, a bouquet of flowers is always a safe option. Throughout the evening, be generous with compliments about the parents’ home or their style. Don’t forget to send a handwritten thank-you note after the event as a gesture of appreciation.

7. Reciprocate.

If the parents hosted the first meeting, it’s a good idea to reciprocate by hosting them next time or treating them to a meal or experience. This shows your maturity and care for your partner’s family, and helps establish mutual respect. It’s also a great way to make everyone feel more comfortable during the second meeting.

8. Relax and enjoy.

Ultimately, the purpose of meeting the parents is to foster a positive relationship with them because you care about your partner and envision a future together. While they may not become your favorite people, remember that you all share a common love for your partner. Take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy your time with them. Celebrate the fact that your partner turned out the way they did, thanks to their upbringing.

In conclusion, meeting the parents is an important milestone in any relationship. By following these eight tips, you can navigate this occasion with confidence and set a positive tone for your future with your partner and their family.