Why is it that some people can go through traumatic experiences and come out on the other side stronger, while others spiral into darkness? As someone who has experienced this darkness firsthand, it’s a question that has always intrigued me.

Growing up in foster care, I felt trapped and alone. It was like I was drowning in a tank of deep water, pulling myself up to the surface with all my might, but still sinking back down again. But somehow, despite feeling like all hope was lost, I made it through. My younger brother, unfortunately, did not.

So why did I make it while he did not? The answer lies in our response to trauma, and the 5-Stages of Acceptance, also known as the 5-Stages of Grief.

The first stage is denial, which happens after the initial shock of the traumatic event. It’s a way of coping with the overwhelming emotions and stress that come with trauma. The second stage is anger, where we try to blame someone else for our problems. The third stage is bargaining, where we try to negotiate our way out of the problem. The fourth stage is depression, where we withdraw from everything and feel an intense sadness. And finally, the fifth stage is acceptance, where we come to terms with the reality of the situation.

Everyone goes through these stages, but not everyone makes it through to acceptance. So what sets apart those who do?

It all comes down to having a growth mindset. When you have a growth mindset, you believe that you can become better, learn from mistakes, and embrace challenges. You see failure as an opportunity to learn, and effort as necessary for growth. Embracing this mindset can help you develop post-traumatic growth (PTG) and find meaning and purpose in your life.

Accepting the reality of a traumatic event is not easy, but it is necessary for healing. It’s okay to feel angry and sad and to want to negotiate your way out of the situation, but eventually you have to come to terms with what happened and accept it. And once you do, you can start to look for the silver lining, the meaning and purpose in your life, and thrive.

For me, that silver lining was my wife and daughter. They gave my life meaning and purpose, and helped me develop a growth mindset that allowed me to thrive. It’s all about finding that purpose, that reason to keep going, even in the face of adversity.

In the end, it’s not about the trauma you experience, but how you respond to it. With a growth mindset and acceptance of reality, you can come out of any traumatic experience stronger and more resilient than ever.