The Changing Dynamics of Love & Relationships: How to Keep the Spark Alive

Love is initially a strong and powerful emotion that we all yearn for. It lights up our days and can make everything seem better. When we are first in love, we are on top of the world. However, as time goes by, it can seem like that initial spark has gone missing. This is especially true in long-term relationships. Boredom can set in and the once-exciting routines become stale and predictable. It seems like your relationship has lost its magic; but that doesn’t mean it’s the end.

It is natural for our brains to crave excitement and new experiences. It’s what keeps us on our toes and gives us a rush of adrenaline. But when we feel bored in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that we need to abandon it altogether. It is common to lose interest in what was once energizing and thrilling, leading our fragmagile hearts astray. However, understanding and accepting that boredom is a part of every relationship is necessary to survive the rocky patch.

The truth is, every couple faces highs and lows in their relationship. Once the excitement and passion die down, it becomes easier to lose interest in the relationship and your significant other. This is where most couples get lost or confused. A study, covered in ABC News, shows that the brain loves surprises, excitement, and new challenges. It’s how we’re naturally wired, and the problem with this tendency is that it leads us to believe that the relationship framework is somehow flawed because the feeling of excitement, passionate intimacy has faded.

It is important to acknowledge that a stable relationship is a good foundation to have, yet it is very predictable and often leads couples to feel that they have “been there, done that.” Couples get comfortable with each other and can predict each other’s actions. They go to the same restaurant, order the same entrée, and spend all their weekends the exact same way. The relationship becomes unchallenging, stable, and predictable, and boredom sets in. The stability tricks our brain into looking for stimulation, leading us to seek excitement outside the relationship or end it altogether.

In either case, we must take a moment and think about the choices we make regarding our relationships. It’s easy to reach for external stimuli when we are bored out of our minds in our relationships. According to another study, six out of ten couples are unhappy with their relationship, siting a lack of spontaneity, romance, and sex as the primary factors contributing to their dissatisfaction. 

Here are some common mistakes couples can make when dealing with boredom in their relationships:

1. Seeking excitement outside the relationship

Having “extracurricular” activities outside of your relationship for temporary reprieve from the boredom certainly won’t do wonders for your existing relationship. When you choose to stay in a relationship because it is the safe thing to do, even though you are looking for an escape in other activities, you will end up wounding your partner. This pulls you into an infinite loop that involves repeated heartbreaks and betrayed partners.

2. Ending the relationship out of boredom

A common side effect of feeling bored in a relationship is that people start seeing opportunities everywhere, leading them to believe that there is no point in staying when other options are available. As tempting as it might sound, ending your relationship based only on a lull in the spark will be a weighty and costly decision in the long run.

3. Sticking to the same routines and hoping things will get better

It is okay to have a routine; it provides stability, security, and calmness. However, routines should not be the only backbone of your relationship. Refraining from fiddling with anything that works out of the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” attitude can also lead to a monotone and uninspired relationship in the long run.

For a healthy and happy relationship to prosper, it is essential to appreciate the value of mundane relationships and learn to spice them up as required. But what can we do when we start feeling bored in a relationship, and all the “positive” things seem doomed?

To get the ball rolling, try to bring in some fresh air and a new perspective to your relationship. Here are a few examples of things you and your significant other can do to reignite that spark in your relationship:

1. Recreate your first date.

2. Go camping on weekends instead of shopping.

3. Take a class together.

4. Plan and go on a staycation.

5. Have a surprise romantic evening with all of their favorite things.

6. Try a 30-day challenge where you do something different – out of your normal routine – every day.

7. Commit to a standing date night. Go out or stay in, whatever a date means to you as a couple – commit and make it happen.

8. Go on an adventurous and a little scary trip together, like bungee jumping or skydiving.

In conclusion, the key to keeping the spark alive is by embracing the routine and accepting it as one of the phases of any healthy relationship. It is also important to proactively deal with boredom and the slowness that comes with it to maintain an exciting relationship with your partner, even after years together. As Anita Chlipala, a relationship coach and therapist, believes, engaging in new, challenging, and exciting things together can reignite the passion and invigorate the relationship. So, whenever your relationship hits a rocky patch, switch it up, and go for something that shakes things up, you might be surprised how something new can give you a different perspective on an existing relationship