When it Comes Down to It: Dating in Your 20s vs. Your 30s

At the core of it, everyone wants to find love. Yet, as we age, our priorities tend to shift, and what we look for in a partner changes too. Dating at 20 and dating at 30 can be two vastly different experiences, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy both periods in your life.

One thing that sets dating in your 20s apart from dating in your 30s is the overall approach. In your 20s, dating is often more about finding someone to have fun with and enjoy concerts or other activities. You’re looking for a thrill and an adventure, and your goal isn’t necessarily to settle down anytime soon.

In your 30s, however, you’re more likely to be in a place where you’re ready for commitment. You’ve likely had your share of fun dating experiences, and now you’re looking for someone you can envision a future with.

Beyond the overall approach, there are specific factors that differentiate dating at these two ages. Let’s take a closer look at some of the things you might prioritize in your dating life in your 20s versus your 30s.

Dating

In your 20s, dating is all about having fun. You want to go out and enjoy yourself, and you’re looking for a partner who will help you do just that. As long as you can have a good time together, that’s all that matters.

In your 30s, you’re more focused on finding a partner who complements your lifestyle and who you can see yourself building a life with. Fun is still important, but it’s no longer the sole focus.

Compatibility

When you’re in your 20s, the most exciting thing about dating might be finding someone who ignites a spark in you. You’re not necessarily worried about whether you have the same goals or ambitions – you just want to enjoy their company.

By the time you’re in your 30s, you’re more interested in finding someone whose values and goals align with yours. You want a partner who can support you through life’s challenges, and whose presence in your life will help you grow and thrive.

Sex

In your 20s, having sex is often seen as a thrill. You might be nervous, but it’s also exciting and novel. You’re keen to explore your sexuality and engage in new experiences.

As you move into your 30s, you’re more likely to know what you want when it comes to sex. Whether you choose to have sex with a partner or wait until you’re committed to someone, you have a clearer sense of what you enjoy and how you like to be treated in bed.

Appearance

When you’re in your 20s, it can be easy to get swept up in finding a partner who is conventionally attractive. Looks are often a priority, and you might not yet have the perspective to understand how other qualities make someone more valuable as a partner.

By your 30s, you’ve likely gained a deeper appreciation for character and the qualities that matter most in a partner. While physical attraction is still important, you’re more likely to be drawn to someone who has integrity, kindness, and a good heart.

Passion

In your 20s, fiery connections might be what you crave. Passion is an essential ingredient for a thrilling romance, and you’re looking for someone who sparks your interest and keeps you on your toes.

As you move into your 30s, however, you might be more interested in finding a deeper, gentler love that lasts. You want a partner who is committed to building a relationship that will stand the test of time.

Marriage

When you’re in your 20s, you might already be thinking about settling down and getting married. You feel like you have plenty of time ahead of you, and the idea of building a life with a partner can be intoxicating.

As you move into your 30s, however, you might feel like you need more time to really get to know someone before you can even consider taking such a big step. You want to build a strong foundation for your relationship before you even think about putting a ring on it.

Direction

In your 20s, it’s often easy to find someone who shares your interests. You’re looking for someone to have fun with, and it’s helpful if you have common passions and hobbies.

By your 30s, however, you’re more interested in finding someone who shares your direction in life. You want a partner who supports your dreams and who you can work alongside to achieve your goals.

Acceptance

When you’re in your 20s, it’s easy to feel like you need to impress potential partners by being the “best” version of yourself. You might worry about how you look or how you come across, and you might be focused on changing yourself to be more appealing to others.

By your 30s, you’ve likely gained more self-assurance and self-acceptance. You know that you’re worthy of love just as you are, and you want a partner who loves you for the real, authentic you.

Commitment

In your 20s, you might be mostly concerned with finding someone who treats you well. You’ve likely encountered plenty of heartbreak and disappointment in your dating life so far, and you’re eager to find someone who will be considerate and kind.

By your 30s, you’re more interested in finding someone who can keep that respect and care going. You want a partner who is committed to building a strong, loving relationship that lasts.

Love as a Verb

When you’re in your 20s, you might be mostly focused on finding someone to love. You want that thrilling feeling of falling head over heels and being swept off your feet.

In your 30s, however, you’re more interested in finding someone who knows how to love you for who you are. You want a partner who is understanding and who works to make your relationship a place of mutual support, respect, and love.

Friendship

When you’re younger, it can be easy to get swept up in the passion and thrill of a new romance. However, as you age, you begin to see the value in developing a deeper friendship with your partner.

In your 30s, you become more interested in finding a partner who you can be friends with, in addition to having a romantic connection. You want someone who truly knows you and with whom you can share your hopes, goals, and fears.

Growing Together

In your 20s, you might be drawn to partners who are funny, intelligent, and easy to be around. You want someone who can make you laugh and who you can have a good conversation with.

By your 30s, you’re more interested in finding someone who makes you a better person. You want a partner who supports your growth and who helps you become the best version of yourself.

Responsibility

In your 20s, it might be exciting to date someone who is wild and unpredictable. You’re drawn to partners who can give you a thrill and keep you on your toes.

As you move into your 30s, however, you’re more interested in finding someone who has their life together. You want a partner who is responsible, reliable, and who you can depend on when life gets tough.

Exes

In your 20s, you might be more likely to give an ex another chance. You’re still learning about love and relationships, and you feel like there might be a chance to make things work with someone you care about.

By your 30s, however, you’re more likely to recognize that sometimes, a clean break is the best thing for both parties. You’ve likely dealt with your fair share of heartbreak and know that sometimes, it’s best to move on and find someone who is a better match for you.

Follow Through

In your 20s, you’re often more focused on finding someone who makes you happy in the moment. You want a partner who can lift your spirits and make you feel good in the short-term.

By your 30s, however, you’re more interested in finding someone who consistently shows their love and appreciation for you. You want a partner who respects your time, your space, and your goals, and who is committed to building a relationship that will last.

In conclusion, dating in your 20s and 30s can be two vastly different experiences. However, by getting clear on what you’re looking for and what you value most in a relationship, you can find someone who is truly right for you, no matter what age you are.